Obviously I just need to have a few more babies and we can be laughing all the time!
Friday, June 19, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Let's do the Limbo!
My whole family is in limbo this week. I can't really say what will be happening at any point, where my husband will work, will he have a job, will I have to try to find one? CAN I find one? Will it be enough to make a difference after child care cost? What will it take to make it worthwhile to leave my children with someone else on a regular basis? How will I like living with my mother in law? How hard will I cry when I have to leave the house we are in? How will my husband cope if we can't pay rent? When will I feel like knitting again?
The current answer to all of these questions is I don't know. Sigh. I wish I knew.
I am finding myself immobilized, staring at a screen, or just holding my knitting (which is supposed to be finished soon and making me money...) or hiding in the bathroom reading a book when I don't really need to be sitting there. I have to face up to the fact that I am hiding, and I don't really know from what - the unknown? This is a time when I need to be focused, and I feel lost. I need to pull my head out of my proverbial a** and get moving. My house was clean for a couple of days, and now looks like crap again. If I actually allow myself to see my house I want to cry, and knowing that my husband wants to go back to work instead of look at it is worse.
I need a kick in the ass. But I don't want it to hurt, okay? Maybe I should just get up and go do the dishes.
The current answer to all of these questions is I don't know. Sigh. I wish I knew.
I am finding myself immobilized, staring at a screen, or just holding my knitting (which is supposed to be finished soon and making me money...) or hiding in the bathroom reading a book when I don't really need to be sitting there. I have to face up to the fact that I am hiding, and I don't really know from what - the unknown? This is a time when I need to be focused, and I feel lost. I need to pull my head out of my proverbial a** and get moving. My house was clean for a couple of days, and now looks like crap again. If I actually allow myself to see my house I want to cry, and knowing that my husband wants to go back to work instead of look at it is worse.
I need a kick in the ass. But I don't want it to hurt, okay? Maybe I should just get up and go do the dishes.
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